kids in the middle®

Children Coping with Divorce

What is Kids in the Middle®?

Kids in the Middle (KIM) is a non-sectarian program that specializes in group and individual counseling for children coping with family transitions such as separation or divorce, and is open to the entire community.

How can Kids in the Middle help your child?

KIM helps kids understand the changes in their families, express their feelings, and learn how to cope.  Through discussion, therapeutic games, books, art, and play therapy children learn how to deal with anger, disappointment and sadness.  The group approach enables kids to share their thoughts and feelings with other kids going through similar family changes. 

What type of games/activities do the children participate in at KIM sessions?

One of the activities that the group leader designed is a game called divorce poker.  The children draw a card from the deck and read the question. A few examples of questions include: How did you find out that your parents were going to get a divorce?  What would you tell other kids to do if their parents get a divorce?  Describe a happy memory. When you are angry, how do you show it?  The child may choose to answer truthfully or bluff with a fictitious answer.  The others “bet whether it was true or false by placing their chips on either the true or false area.  If the child fooled everyone by the incorrect bet, he/she collects those chips.  If the bets were correct, members regain their chips.  This game allows children to discuss a sensitive issue in a fun way.  It also allows group members to connect with one another by exploring some of these topics with other members of the group and getting peer feedback, which is very important.

What can you do as a parent to help your children through this process?

Preparing for a separation or divorce can be difficult on parents.  There are a wide variety of expectations placed on parents with respect to how they treat their children during the process.  We offer a list of “Do’s and Don’ts” for parents.

Do…

-Allow children to openly express their own feelings

-Reassure your children that the divorce was not their fault

-Spend quality time with each child

-Let children know about changes such as visitation, moving, new school, etc.

-Protect your child from parental conflict

-Provide a safe and stable environment

-Be consistent with rules, expectations and discipline

Don’t…

-Assess blame.  Children shouldn’t be taking sides

-Talk negatively about the other parent

-Overburden your children with emotional or financial concerns

-Use children as message carriers to the other parent                                                   

-Make your child your confidant-remain the adult and parent

-Discourage your child’s desire to have a relationship with the other parent or step-parent

For more information about Kids in the Middle®, a program of JFS, contact 414-225-1325 or visit www.jfsmilw.org.

Darcy McDaniel, MSSW is a Kids in the Middle Therapist at JFS.